Kraden and the Flash Ant
by Osprey Eamon
Summary: A bunch of one shots which are hopefully amusing. Nom. 7: The characters of Golden Sun are handed the script for the latest instalment. Not all of them are impressed.
1. Kraden and the Flash Ant

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Golden Sun or any of the characters, places or concepts associated with it.

_Ever wondered what Kraden was doing while the Adepts were battling the beasties?_

**Kraden and the Flash Ant**

The final monster screeched in fury seeming to grow as electric blue feathers were spread out like the wings of a particularly garish angle of death. Red eyes blazed with bloodlust and cruel crawls flexed in anticipation. It was promptly fried by a lightning bolt and keeled over.

"You're losing your touch," Jenna said teasing. "I still can't believe you actually _missed_ that first time."

"If you hadn't gone for it and gotten in my way I wouldn't have. You were just like, _woo woo_!" Sheba replied jumping up and down waving her hands at the smoldering harpy her psynergy flaring ineffectively.

Felix, of course, said nothing.

The three of them were standing in a clearing in the Osenian bush which was now deserted, save for the mangled corpses that lay spread out around them or hung from the branches of some of the nearby trees. Felix was cleaning his sword and Jenna was attempting to ring the blood out of her hair. Monster gore always seemed to get everywhere and followed the adepts like some aggravatingly persistent door-to-door salesman – or Garet after the smell of roast beef.

"Did anyone see where Kraden went?" asked Sheba after awhile. The sage was indeed nowhere to be seen.

"No, last I saw of him was when I fried those three emus with beam and caught the kobold behind them in the spill off. Felix?"

Her brother just shook his head.

"He must be around here _somewhere_," Sheba said irritably.

Approximately forty seconds later, the adepts had found Kraden. Jenna's eyes followed the flash ant as it bounced up and down in time to the high pitched squeals that emerged from the foliage above it whenever it jumped. The critter was all of thirty centimeters high and would have easily been crushed to a puddle of greenish juice if Kraden had dropped but one of his beloved Alchemistic texts on it.

"Ah! There you are!" The puny blue boxing gloved insect leapt again and there was another shriek. "S-so would you mind helping me down from here? This little -_oh oh_- fellow doesn't seem to want me to- _help help get it away from me it's going to e-eat me_!"

Jenna face palmed. Sheba turned her eyes skyward and muttered "Why do we keep him around again?"

**A/N:** I don't really think I'm that good at making funny stuff up but I had the idea and it got written, so here it is. Please review.


	2. Snap Interviews

_Nine Interviews that didn't quite turn out as planned._

**Snap Interviews**

**Interviewer:** Hello ladies, gentlemen and resident elemental spirits. The author didn't bother to give me a name and I will be your interviewer for this evening. Today I will be asking the characters of the Golden Sun games the questions that may or may not matter. Our first lucky interviewee is Garet, grandson of Vale's mayor and second fiddle to hero Isaac. Say hello to the audience Garet!

**Garet:** Yeah, hi, do you have tacos around here?

**Interviewer:** (ignores Garet's question) Now we all know that while you played an important role in the quest to break the Seal on Alchemy and are a powerful Fire Adept you are often portrayed as being insensitive, food obsessed and on the whole rather stupid. How do you think this may have come about?

**Garet:** I really have no idea. I'll just say something completely normal and then Mia blows up at me and starts going on about manners and why-do-you-never-think-before-you-open-your-mouth and stuff. Seriously though, about those tacos-

**Interviewer:** (interrupts) So, moving on. You travelled a great deal during the question. What is the place in the world you like the most?

**Garet:** Vale still. The rest of the world is cool and all that but you know what they say; there's no place like home. And 'cause I know everyone there they all say hello and invite me to lunch and stuff, though mostly I don't go unless I know they do good deserts. But right now I'm trying to find these things called tacos that-

**Random member of audience:** Like these? (chucks Garet a packet of tacos)

**Garet:** Yeah, they're the things. (rips packet open, removes taco and proceeds to carefully examine it before placing it in his mouth) Not bad… know where I can get dips for these?

**Interviewer:** The corner store should have some, but if we could please get back the questions…

**Garet:** (gets up and wanders out of the studio)

* * *

**Interviewer:** And now we have Felix, hero of the second game and tragically misunderstood antagonist of the first. Are you sitting comfortably?

**Felix:** (nods)

**Interviewer:** Wonderful. And my first question is… what's your favorite colour?

**Felix:** (blinks, then holds out his scarf)

**Interviewer:** …would that be green or blue?

**Felix:** (points the ceiling)

**Interviewer:** (looks up and then back at Felix) But the roof is beige.

**Felix:** (jabs more insistently)

**Interviewer:** You mean the sky?

**Felix:** (nods)

**Interviewer:** Blue then. (checks queue card and sighs) And our next question is; what's your earliest childhood memory?

**Felix:** (face palms)

**Interviewer:** No, I was never any good at charades either…

* * *

**Interviewer:** Well, this is a pleasant surprise. Karst, sit down and tell us your life story!

**Karst:** (looks around) Is Isaac here?

**Interviewer:** Unfortunately not, we did try and get him but-

**Karst:** (walks off muttering death threats under her breath)

* * *

**Interviewer:** Right now we have some random villager from Garoh who we chloroformed and dragged off the street and into the studio. Now obviously I can't keep on called you 'some random villager' all evening so first off, could you please tell us your name.

**Werewolf:** Aroo?

**Interviewer:** Please to meet you Mr Aroo. Care to enlighten us as what it's really like living in a settlement of shapes shifters? You know; the truth behind the myth.

**Werewolf:** Aroo. Arr ar ara oo ar orraw awa…(continues to yap happily)

**Interviews:** (calls off stage) Somebody get us a Wind Adept in here to translate!

* * *

**Interviewer:** Ivan, good to see you! Sit down and we'll get started.

**Ivan:** (sits) Right so… what were you going ask?

**Interviewer:** (winks conspiratorially) So… you're a mind reader. Don't we all we wish we were at times. Now I'm sure I've not been alone in wondering, what is the most embarrassing thing you've ever discovered while perusing another person's thoughts?

**Ivan:** (goes pale and begins to shudder) Don't… ask. It was horrible. I have tried to forget but it haunts me. No! It is too monstrous to consider! It's all coming back! No! Nooo! My mind, my delicate mind! (runs off screaming)

* * *

**Interviewer:** Piers tell us, how old are you?

**Piers:** (walks off)

* * *

**Hamma:** I am delighted to be able to share my wisdom with the world.

**Interviewer:** And now we have Hamma, founder of the Lama Temple, Master Jupiter Adept and elder sister to Ivan. Glad you could come.

**Hamma:** Orange. Regrettably it's not something I can really get away with wearing though.

**Interviewer:** Our first question yet again is; what's your favorite colour?

**Hamma:** I have always possessed the sight – or at least for as long as I remember – so I knew that Ivan and I would meet again and that we would both be needed to ensure that the Seal was broken. Really there was very little choice in the matter. And of course all of that has come to pass we shall have plenty of time to get to know each other properly.

**Interviewer:** How do you feel… about…

**Hamma:** Please finish the question.

**Interviewer:** _But you've_ _already answered it_.

**Hamma:** But you have to ask the question for me to foresee you asking the question so I can answer it. If you don't ask it now after I've answered because I foresaw you asking it the timelines tend to become rather twisted…

**Interviewer:** …how about we just have the conversation in order then?

**Hamma:** I am afraid that is something I simply cannot do.

**Interviewer:** (groans)

* * *

**Interviewer:** And now I am pleased to welcome the world's foremost Sage, the one and only Kraden!

**Kraden:** You flatter me.

**Interviewer:** Not at all! So, let's get down to business. What do you personally believe is the most important thing for anyone beginning to study Alchemy to remember?

**Kraden:** Ah! I'm glad you asked me that. You see the mistake most people make is thinking that Alchemy, like psynergy, is a pure expression of the psycho-kinetic energy that is produced by some people, or more accurately some beings because of course not all of them are necessarily human – there are of course the elemental djinn, some of the physically transmuted fauna, those strange arboreal beings Isaac says he's met and possibly incorporeal presences sometimes associated with locations of great innate power – through meditation and concentration, and that it simply operates over scales that are far more massive. This couldn't be further from the truth. Alchemy does affect the physical world in a manner extremely similar to psynergy, though it appears to be far more subtle when viewed from the time frames we are used to dealing in, but its true nature is actually very different. If you are searching for the reality of its deeper nature – as opposed to what it merely seems to be when its reactions with corporal matter are observed and analyzed – then this belief is entirely false. Alchemy is to psynergy what the aether is to the four elements – a carrier, a transmuter, an expression of ultimate underlying unity. That is not to say that the four elements are in fact one, no not at all, but they do have relationships to each other and while I have not been able to find any evidence that it possible for psynergy to have its underlining elemental nature shifted there are many experiments that have proved this can and does happen between the physical forms of the elements. The most well known example of this is of course the combustion of cinnabar and mercury. Cinnabar is an expression of the element of earth because it is a mineral and mercury is an expression of the element of water even though it is in fact a metal. However, it is aligned with water because of its exceptional fluidal properties and has been recognized as expression of water since the Lost Age which is why it is known as mercury by those who study the Alchemistic arts and sciences. Now, to return to the point I was making before about…

**Random person off stage:** (whispers) Don't say we didn't warn you.

* * *

**Interviewer:** And now we come to Dullahan, lord of death and destruction and the most challenging boss in all of the two games. So tell us, lord of darkness, how do you feel about being beaten up by a bunch of teenagers? Angry? Frustrated? Relieved that it's finally over and done with and you don't have to stand around in that dungeon guarding some random tablet anymore?

**Dullahan:** I am the shadow, keeper of the light.

**Interviewer:** Yes, just like you told them. But they still went and nicked that summon you'd spent all that time protecting. How does that make you _feel_?

**Dullahan:** If you want the sun's power, show me your own. (raises sword which begins to exude dark energy)

**Interviewer:** Steady on, I was just asking-

BOOOOOM

The end


	3. Kraden and the Invisible Rock

_Despite my intention of keeping Kraden's misadventures as a one shot, the saga continues (everyone groans). In which the mechanics of transparency will not be discussed and Sheba's final question is answered._

**Kraden and the Invisible Rock**

Kraden didn't really understand how the psynergy Reveal worked, but that had not stopped him from giving his companions an extremely long lecture on it. The explanation had contained the words 'photo optical' and the phrase 'transparency of the selected object' was used numerous times.

His theory had been proven false when he tossed a small chunk of the crystal that littered the floor in the dim, dimensionally impossible chamber in the heart of Air's Rock at the place where the stepping (or more accurately leaping) stone that the three Adepts had just crossed had been and watched it drop down…

…and down…

…and down…

…and down.

It never went plop.

That left him standing on the wrong side of the chasm with no way of rectifying the situation as he had proven that Reveal did not merely make invisible stuff visible again. Kraden had just finished his attempt to make up for his incomprehensible web of white lies by presenting them with a new, more accurate hypothesis which took into account the behavior of the stone. He looked hopefully from one face to another before reiterating his appeal to Sheba to bring the leaping stone back.

"The thing is Kraden, this isn't the first time you've done it. I mean, there was the time with the werewolves when you kept on calling them ly-whatits-"

"Lycanthropes," Kraden injected and Sheba glowered before going on.

"-and saying that they were like that because of some weird yellow flower that only blooms in the moonlight. And then you said the damn harpies were some kind of were-bird and we shouldn't kill them because they didn't know what they were doing. And _then_ you said there was a giant monster with bunions hiding in that waterhole and tried to drag us away from it. _And then_ you kept on saying that there was a multicolored snake in the river and almost drowned because-"

"Alright, alright, I admit I was wrong about those things but that no reason to do this. Think of all the things we've been through together. And you need me, my knowledge of Alchemy will prove invaluable when we reach Jupiter Lighthouse. Felix agrees with me, don't you Felix?" he appealed to the official group leader.

Felix looked at Jenna.

"We'll give you one more chance, but your luggage is staying behind," she said nodding the teetering stack of trucks stuffed with crucibles, jars of strange powers, carefully wrapped glass tubes and enough books to stock a small library.

"No," said Kraden stubbornly. "If it stays, I stay too."

Jenna looked at Felix. Felix shrugged.

"Okay."

As the three Adepts walked away, Kraden's shrieks of protest failed to echo around the chamber in a way which was decidedly creepy.

"You can't do this! It makes a mockery of the canon! The canon I say!"

"What was that about?" Sheba asked Jenna when they had re-entered the world of normal proportions.

"Something weird to do with Alchemy I expect. Anyway, who cares?"


	4. Seven Eight Nine

'_Garet, _you are not allowed to eat Ivan_.'_

**Seven Eight Nine**

After five days wandering though the caverns the adepts were finally forced to admit that they were lost.

"I should have known better than to try a short cut," muttered Isaac sitting with his back to one of the lumpy, ice cold walls.

"Yeah, you should have. And next time you get us completely lost somewhere could you at least make sure it's a place with some food. I'm starving!"

"We know, Garet," was Mia's tired reply.

"And it's not Isaac's fault," Ivan added. "We need to catch up to Felix and the others before they can reach the other Lighthouses. We all agreed it was worth the risk."

"Thanks Ivan. Still, I shouldn't have suggested it. We'll never catch up with them if we don't find a way out of here soon."

The adepts sat around in a gloomy silence which was broken when one of the djinn coalesced on Ivan's shoulder. "Come on guys, it's not that bad! I'm sure you'll find the way out if you just keep on walking." Nobody answered. Garet was looking at the creature with a similar expression to the one he wore when he smelled a second class pot roast. "Don't get down on yourselves; it's only a matter of time. I know how to cheer you up. What did the dough say to the baker? It's nice to be kneaded." The djinni looked around as the humans failed to laugh. "Here's a better one, it's about a wood cutter, a Great Healer and a fire adept who all go into a bar…"

And things were only going to get worse.

* * *

"What do you do with a one year old banana?"

"Eat it."

"No, you wish it a happy birthday. Hey, what are you doing! Watch it!" Breeze disappeared from Garet's grasp and rematerialised on Mia's shoulder.

"Garet, the djinn are made of pure energy," said Ivan. "You can't eat them."

* * *

The low rumbling grew louder until dust shook from the passage roof and stones skittered across the ground before dying away. The adepts looked around fearfully but the tunnel showed no signs of collapsing.

"That's… odd," said Isaac. "It felt kind of like quake psynergy but much stronger and much fainter. What do you think… no. _No no no no_…" He rummaged franticly for the Mars Star, found it and clenched the blood red orb between his hands staring into it intensely. The jewel winked softy up at him. Perhaps it was just his imagination, but its glow seemed brighter than it had before.

"What is it?" asked Mia.

"Do you think they…" began Ivan.

"Venus," said Isaac wretchedly. "They've just lit Venus."

"Oh, this is great! We've spent Kirin only knows how long stuck in this place and now they've beaten us to the next Lighthouse! And we _still_ haven't found any food."

"Will you please shut up about food," Ivan moaned. "We're all hungry."

"We've got to keep on moving," said Mia. She drew a tightly rolled parchment out of her robes and began to unroll it. "Maybe if we-"

"Wait, Mia has the map? No wonder we're lost!" Garet grabbed it off her and jerked it open. "Everyone knows women can't read maps," he muttered pouring over it.

"Garet-" Isaac began.

Mia held up a hand. "Just let him keep it. I don't care. My eyes are getting sore from looking at it in this light anyway."

"You sound like you need cheering up again," said Breeze. "How about some knock knocks? Knock knock." The adepts stayed silent so the Jupiter Djinn answered himself. "Who's there? Dots. Dots who? Dots for me to know and you to find out." Garet started walking back the way they'd come and the other three followed. "Knock knock. Who's there? Amos. Amos who? A mosquito bit me. Knock knock..."

* * *

"What are you doing!" cried Mia horrified.

"Well, you told me that I would break my teeth on the rocks and to find something that was at least organic so-"

"Garet, _you are not allowed to eat Ivan_."

* * *

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"I didn't hear anything."

Ivan concentrated. "It was a kind of a … boom. Kind of like thunder but different. From up there." He pointed to the ceiling. "It felt kind of … funny. The air kind of moved."

"Ivan, are you just trying to see how many times you can say 'kind of' in one minute," said Garet suspiciously.

"No! I can't quite explain it. It was ki- It was like psynergy but different."

"Your elephant is truly amazing," said Garet sarcastically.

"I think you meant eloquence, Garet," replied Isaac dryly. "And yours isn't crash hot either."

"I'm hungry," said Garet throwing his hands up. "How can you expect a man to think when he's hungry?"

"But what was it?"

"I'm not sure. It wasn't like anything I've ever felt before."

Breeze used the pause in the conversation that followed to launch himself back into his comedy act. "What do call a stupid skeleton? A numb skull. Or maybe a bone head... What can't you have for breakfast? Lunch an-"

"Look Breeze," interrupted Isaac. "I'm really thankful that you're still trying to cheer us up, but we really need to figure out what it was Ivan heard. So unless you have any ideas about what it was-"

"Of course I know what it was."

"You _do_?"

"Sure! It was a gigantic release of Jupiter psynergy and Alchemy probably triggered by the collapse of part of the Alkimiyan Seal. We didn't really feel much of it so it must have been a long way off but- hey, why all the long faces? Was it something I said?"

"Again. I've failed _again_," Isaac moaned. He slipped down to the floor head in hands. "I couldn't stop them at Mercury, I never even got to Venus and now…"

Mia knelt down beside him. "It's not over yet," she said gently. "They don't have the Mars Star so there's no way they can light the final Lighthouse and I'm sure we can find a way to extinguish the other three and repair the Seal. But you can't give up now. We need you." She looked up. "Garet, can we have a look at the map? Maybe we can use the direction Ivan heard the Lighthouse from as some kind of pointer … Garet?" The fire adept shifted uneasily. "Where's the map?"

"I was really hungry, we haven't had any proper food in ages and-"

"_Garet_!"

* * *

Monster stew is made by mixing the dust monsters crumble into when they die with water (courtesy of Mia) and boiling it in an old helmet over a fuel less fire (courtesy of Garet). Monster dust was grey but – for reasons the group preferred not to speculate on – the stew was brown. With green lumps in it. And the frothy crust collecting around the rim was orange.

For something derived from ash and water it had a surprised amount of body. It also had a smell which hung around the cave like Isaac's aunt Muriel's moth eaten scarves. Aunt Muriel had owned a lot of scarves.

The soup went gloop. The ladle reached toward it.

Even Garet was looking green.

* * *

The adepts didn't know how long they had been trapped in the labyrinth of passages and caves. They did know however that it had been so long that they no longer had the energy to stop Garet from gnawing his own leg off.

At first Isaac thought he was imagining the foot steps and the voices that accompanied them. They sounded close, but distorted as if he was hearing them from underwater.

"Are… we're going the right way?" "Yes… Star…" "But we've been… and we still haven't…" "… almost there. Just a bit…" "Will they be…" "…doubt it." "Can't you at least pretend to care, Alex?" "That would be… don't you think." "I'm sure… they're all…" "…you're right Kraden."

"Jenna?" he croaked.

"… hear something?" "That sounded like…"

The pace of the footsteps increased and a flickering light illuminated the roughly hewn ceiling.

"Isaac! Garet!" cried Jenna happily. The footsteps raced to him and then stopped. "You've … grown a moustache? What am I saying; are you alright? You look dreadful."

"You can have your reunion later, business comes first. Where's the Mars Star?"

Isaac glared up at Saturos. "Garet ate it," he muttered finally.

"Don't be ridiculous, the Stars are too large to fit in someone's mouth."

"We don't know how he managed it."

"It does feel like it's over here somewhere," Menardi – who was standing over Garet – said uncertainly. Saturos swore. Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, have you guys come to rescue them? Thanks! You have no idea how boring it was getting just wandering around here day after day." Breeze popped out of Ivan's chest, chipper as ever. "I've been trying to make them feel better about the situation, but really it _is_ pretty lousy. And they seemed to appreciate my jokes less and less the longer they were lost... maybe you'd like to hear some?" the Djinni asked brightly. "Why was the monster surprised to see cucumbers growing from his ears? Because he'd planted carrots!"

"Now that we have the Star, can we please begin to make our way out?" Alex said drawing his cloak closer to his body.

"We're not leaving Isaac and Garet!" snapped Jenna.

"I never said we were, Jenna dear," he replied.

"And what are we doing to do if the idiot really has eaten the Star?" said Menardi kicking Garet viciously.

"If worst comes to worst we can always throw him into the beacon," said Alex shrugging.

"Alex!"

"But I'm sure it won't come to that," he continued. "If the Star could fit in one way then it's bound to fit out another." Saturos grimaced. "Now, which way to the egress?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"You two _did_ lead us to them," said Alex testily. "Finding the way back can't be _that_ much harder." Saturos and Menardi didn't say anything. Alex's eyes narrowed. "Is what you're failing to communicate that you have no idea how to get out?"

"We were following the aura of the Mars Star," Menardi growled. "We thought that your superior self would be dealing with the return journey."

"If I had _known_ I was going to be delegated the task I would have left a trail to follow. I suppose we'd just better keep put a left hand on the wall-"

"That doesn't work," said Isaac weakly. "We tried it."

"So... does anyone else have an idea?"

The adepts all looked at each other. Nobody spoke.

Except Breeze of course.

"Oh, _damn_," the djinni said still sounding cheerful. "Still, I guess there's always a silver lining. This way you'll have the time to work out your differences about the Lighthouses in a nice, civilized manner and I get to tell more jokes. So, which one now … I got it! Why was six crying? Because seven eight nine. Get it? _Seven eight nine_."

* * *

And because I still don't think this is quite long enough…

Introducing **Monster Stew: the Musical!**

One fine day... or night (it was hard to tell underground) underneath some random mountain, a very clever adept caught a monster... and decided to make...

_Monster stew,_

_Monster stew,_

_Gooey, brewy,_

_Yummy, chewy,_

_Monster stew!_

**A/N:** I just had to put that last bit in. I couldn't help myself. The lyrics were nicked from Wombat Stew by Marcia K. Vaughan. Man I use to love that book when I was six years old…


	5. Journey to the Bottom of the Earth

_Even though they had dug straight down, there were stranger forces of the universe at work in their expedition._

**Journey to the Bottom of the Earth**

Anyone walking past the sandpit would have idly glanced at it and moved on, before freezing mid step and staring back. There was a sizable hole in the ground – about two by three meters – with sand still steadily emerging by the bucket full to be added to the growing mound of refuse beside it, but that wasn't what they would stare at. The thing that really drew the eye was the pile of sand itself, which was at least four meters high in places and sprawled from the edge of the sand pit to the eastern wall of the Jerra family residence to Kay's flower beds.

Fortunately for the excavators, she had yet to return to discover that her newly sprouted bulbs had been buried.

At the bottom of the hole, Aaron was covered in mud and wet sand and directing enthusiastically. The floor was gradually dropping further as they ripped away at it with his sister's set of spades.

"How much further do we have to go?" his friend Mitch panted as he return for another load of dirt to cart away.

"Can't be much longer. We passed through the last of the sand _ages _ago."

"Recon we'll really be able to do it?"

"Course we will," said Aaron confidently. "That'll show them. And we'll be able to chuck all the sprouts and cabbages in the village down it and watch them sail away into the abyss. _Abyss_." Aaron said the word again just to savor the flavor of it and shivered happily.

Five minutes later Lukas' spade went into the earth and the ground was pushed down into… nothing.

"Guys! Guys! We've done it!"

After another few minutes frantic scrabbling they had a gap big enough for one of them to squeeze their head and shoulders through. What could been seen of the nothingness below Weyard was – unexpectedly – blue but maybe the sky went all around the world instead of just being above it. Aaron plunged in – eyes squeezed tight against the dirt – and wriggled his way downwards.

"Hey! What you doing popping out of ground? You make big hole in Town Square! Very messy!"

"Huh?" Aaron opened his eyes and looked around.

There was woman standing over him. Her eyes – violet like a wind adept's but strangely elongated – were narrowed dangerously and she was tapping her foot in a manner frighteningly reminiscent of the way Kay did when ever Garet experimented with his psynergy too near her garden. Aaron suddenly felt a lot more sympathetic towards his elder brother. Behind her, a small crowd of bemused people with weird clothes was gathering and behind them he could just make out elegantly curved rooftops.

"I don't suppose… is this the bottom of the world?" he asked uncertainly.

The woman frowned. "What you mean 'bottom of world'? This is Xian! And your joke not funny. Now you clean up Town Square!"


	6. Kraden and the Leaning Tower of Literatu

_Jenna is trapped in a high tower until her knight in shining armor comes to rescue her. Against all common sense, this turns out to be Kraden._

**Kraden and the Leaning Tower of Literature**

"Felix, what the hell took you so long! I've been stuck up here for hours and -" Jenna broke off mid rant to stare at the person hovering beyond the window of the room she had been locked in. It wasn't Felix. Or Sheba. She would have been less surprised if it had been Alex who had come to rescue her.

"I told you that you needed me!" said Kraden, grinning like an idiot as he swayed gently from side to side. "I told you that my research material would be useful!"

Jenna blinked. Her jaw hung open in a particularly unflattering manner and she looked like she'd been hit around the face with a wet fish… by a previously inanimate statue… which she'd just seen crushed by a falling piano.

"How in the name of Cybele did you get up here?_ It's three stories above the ground!_"

The three Adepts had gone back for the scholar after realizing that when they had incarcerated him in the heart of Air's Rock he had still been in possession of all of their maps. After wandering for five days in the desert and almost dying of thirst they had reluctantly agreed to return and retrieve him. As Kraden had refused to reveal which piece of baggage the charts were hidden in and none of them had any desire to rummage amongst an assortment of objects that included the scholar's dirty underwear, the luggage of doom had come with them as well. All fourteen trunks of it.

After having lugged Kraden's luggage over most of Ocenia they had finally reached the town of Alphafra. Suffering from blisters, bad backs and renewed exasperation with the ever vexatious Alex they had jumped at mayor's offer of a place to stay that wasn't the briny over crowded inn.

However, it seemed that the universe was not above tormenting them in strange and disturbing ways. The events that had left Felix and Sheba wandering lost in the catacombs below the mayor's house wearing matching ensembles of high heels, 'satin' ball gowns and sombreros and Jenna trapped in a room in the tallest tower that had an inordinate lack of bed sheets were not something that she would ever admit to anyone, under torture or otherwise.

And now Kraden had come to 'save' her. Perhaps she should have just blasted the door away after all.

In answer to her question Kraden gestured downwards and said proudly, "I made use of my library."

Jenna peered out the window.

The stack of books was indeed an impressive creation, one that she had no idea how the old man had succeed in erecting, but it was swaying rather more than its designer had perhaps intended.

"Are you sure it's safe?"

"Of course it's safe, my dear. Now I'll just hop in so you can take my place and descend…" Kraden reached for the sill and the tower finally overbalanced. Its collapse was quite impressive, as was the shriek Kraden made on the way down.


	7. A Mixed Basket

_The characters of Golden Sun are handed the script for the latest instalment. Not all of them are impressed._

**A Mixed Basket**

"So ... what does this mean for us?" asked Jenna as she and Isaac perused the script for _Golden Sun: Dark Dawn_. "I mean, we have a son together right? And Matthew's a good name. But I don't seem to appear in this at all," she flipped forward to where her entry in the encyclopaedia was included. "Did we break up or something? Apparently I live in Kalay while you and Garet are sharing this cabin on the Goma Plateau."

"Well, I suppose if your mother got very very sick..." said Isaac hesitantly, "then you might move to Kalay to take care of her? While I stayed near Mount Aleph to make sure it didn't explode any more than it already had?"

She growled. "Honestly, what are we suppose to take away from this? There's no emotion here, you don't make any mention of me. It doesn't even say if we're married. For all we know you could be carrying on some passionate long distance love affair with Mia and be Nowell and Rief's real father."

Isaac perked up. "I could?"

"Why not," muttered Jenna. "But I better put in an appearance in that sequel they tease or things _will_ combust."

* * *

"So I'm going to knock up and abandon some woman who then dies in childbirth, openly ally with a military dictatorship, kidnap Mia's son and coerce a bunch of kids into unleashing an unspeakable evil on the world so they're forced to activate an ancient weapon of mass destruction in order to stop it?" Alex sighed despondently. "At least Kraden thinks I'm still ambiguous."

* * *

"What!" came the indignant cry from Felix. "I was the hero of the second game, and an antagonist in the first! How can I not be included in this one?"

"Well, we're sure to play a larger part in the fourth instalment," said Piers soothingly.

"It's all right for you," the earth adept snapped. "At least you get a jailbait love interest out of this. All I get is a jerkish reputation for having disappeared again right after my family was finally reunited and completely neglecting to write!"

* * *

"Multiple pre-mortem appearances, lengthy opportunity to indoctrinate younger generations, some scenes incorporate incomprehensible old folk communication, bonus pigeon included," mused Kraden. "I must say that sounds very reasonable."

* * *

"At least our kids are awesome," Ivan said to Mia putting an arm around her shoulders.

* * *

"Hmmm." Chalis tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I'm gorgeous, I live, I get to pass out free samples of my new Illusion Perfume range to anyone who defeats me in battle ... hard to see the downside really." She signed the contract with a flourish. "It's a better deal than poor Menardi and Karst received, certainly. The poor dears must have thought that just because they were revealed to be belligerent anti-heroes that they wouldn't be killed off. The sillies. Besides everyone knows evil is sexier than good. The only comeuppance Arcanus ever seems to get is being chased by those strange reality warping 'Mary-Sue' creatures after all..."

"What do you mean by that?" Blados barked. "We kill him when he's revealed as a traitor to Tuaparang at the Apollo Lens!"

Chalis tutted. "A major character be killed in a fight off screen? I think not. These dramatic types writing the plot would never dispose of a long running antagonist in such a manner. No, he'll turn up again, and in all the mutual screen time we have I'm sure to be able to charm the details of his hair care strategy out of him . . ."


End file.
